Post by Agents Lothy and Rowyn on Jan 26, 2005 9:07:28 GMT -5
Disclaimer: As usual, we own nothing except ourselves and the minis we were allowed to adopt. Iriniel belongs to jewlisa v, and you can find her here if you have a high tolerance for pain and/or a spork for your eyes: www.fanfiction.net/s/1895146/1/. Kingdom of Loathing, which is one of the most brilliant games ever invented, belongs to Jick and Mr. Skullhead.
Iriniel and Legolas
“You really should relax, you know,” Lothy said to Rowyn before breaking out in another fit of laughter. When a few minutes had passed since their last assignment and they hadn’t been given another one, she had decided that having two computers to give assignments was a bit redundant, since both of them never went off at the same time, and had spent the time feeding her newest addiction. “Heehee, Feng Shui for Big Dumb Idiots,” she added with a giggle.
Rowyn, on the other hand, had been extremely tense ever since they had gotten back from their last assignment. Though Lothy had finally forced her to sit down with a book (once she had been able to stop Faramin from chewing on it), she still had spent the time jumping and reaching for a heavy blunt object every time her computer made the slightest bit of noise. “Are you still playing that game?” she asked, not bothering to look over as she idly tossed a piece of raw bacon to Pensive.
“Yeah! It’s awesome!” Lothy answered, reading off the screen. “’You’re fighting a Spam Witch. You begin to read from the dictionary. Your opponent writhes in pain, suffering 60 points of spelling damage.’ See, this game was made for PPCers!” When Rowyn didn’t respond, Lothy stayed silent for a few minutes. The only sound was Lothy clicking the mouse and Rowyn’s foot occasionally banging against her desk as she sat with her legs draped over the side of the chair. Finally, Lothy said, “Don’t you think it’s strange that they haven’t…”
“Don’t say it,” Rowyn warned.
“I mean, we’ve never gone this long without…” Lothy started again.
“Please, don’t say another word,” Rowyn begged.
“Do you think they’re actually going to give us a….”
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
“…break,” she finished lamely. “Drat… and I just figured out how to get into the Palindome…”
Rowyn let her head fall back against the desk, ignoring the resulting thunk. Lothy shrugged apologetically, then stood up. “Guess I’ll see what we get to deal with. Move over,” she sighed.
“Don’t forget, I get first dibs on killing the ‘Sue,” Rowyn reminded her as she scooted her chair away from the computer before continuing to toss bacon to Faramin and Pensive, who were both eagerly gobbling the pieces up before they could hit the floor.
“Yeah, yeah,” Lothy grumbled, then added, “Oh, joy. We finally get a Legomance.”
“So who is she this time?” Rowyn asked, rather sarcastically. “A modern girl who just happens to fall into Middle-Earth and gets rescued from a big scary spider by the charming Prince? The leader of an unknown group of dark Elves with ‘speshul magical powers’ that uses her abilities to charm the unlucky Elf into falling deeply in love with her?”
Lothy scanned the words. “No. She’s Haldir’s daughter. From the ‘tribe of Galadriel.’ Keeper of Arindiel, whatever the heck that is.”
“Probably some piece of evil jewelry that has the power of making her changing-color-eyes extra-sparkly,” Rowyn muttered.
“Somebody’s in a bad mood today,” Lothy said cheerfully as she went back to her console. Rowyn just glared at her in response before muttering something about urges to kill and wishing someone would invent a chocolate form of Bleep.
“OK...hmm. Elves?” Lothy asked, poking at her console.
Rowyn glared.
“Elves it is then. C’mon, the sooner we're done, the sooner we can get back.” Lothy opened a portal and literally shoved her partner through.
Lothy glanced over. "Oh dear Lord..."
"Haldir's eyes azure flashes of hope against the sunset?" Rowyn said incredulously.
"That makes no sense!! Not only is she dumb, she's verbally illiterate!"
Suddenly, from the blood-stained hilltop below, Aragorn cried, “Haldir! Nath Parras! To the Keep!”He turned to yell to his men, and found an Orc-blade sliced his wrist. He gasped and cried out in pain.
My father swayed as the same Orc- blade pierced his back. Aragorn cried out in grief, unmistakable. He cried Haldir’s name over and over, killed the Orc and ran to him.
"Nath parras isn't Elvish, nor does it mean "To the Keep" in any language," Lothy muttered, scribbling on her notepad.
"I'm confused. So Aragorn's getting his wrist slashed, and then Haldir's getting skewered? Or is it the other way around?" Rowyn asked.
"No, see, an Orc slashed Aragorn's wrist and then stuck Haldir with the same sword in the space of about two seconds, even though they're about 300 yards apart," Lothy explained.
"Then shouldn't Aragorn, you know, be trying to keep himself from dying or something?" Rowyn complained.
"No, since he and Haldir are apparently the best of friends, he has to scream Haldir's name over and over again, kill the Orc, and then rock Haldir while he dies," Lothy said, picking up a stone and throwing it at Aragorn. It bounced off his skull and he dropped Haldir.
"She watched him with her mind?" Rowyn asked, ignoring Lothy's well-aimed toss. "I suppose everyone in the 'Tribe of Galadriel' inherited her gift of sight. Can I kill her now?"
Lothy looked shocked. "Oh no! She must set out upon her quest to bring the light of Arindiel to all Middle Earth!"
"And she has no reason for it either!" Rowyn added, poking the Words. She nearly dropped them when a rather painful time lurch left them watching three elves riding through the woods (neither agent could justify capitalizing the words, as they were clearly not Tolkien's vision of the race of the Eldar.)
"Did you know that the Moon had a daughter named Erwenia?" Lothy asked. "Or that Legolas had a brother named Golondrien?"
"Do you think Galadriel will be mad that her 'mirror of the future' is missing?" Rowyn shot back. "And how the heck does one carve a bloody star into a necklace? And who's ever seen moondust?”
"What I want to know is how she carries that mirror," Lothy complained. "How big is Galadriel's Mirror? Taller than a Hobbit, at any rate!"
"And don't you need the water for it to work?"
"Oh, look at the ‘Maras’ they're riding! Sassafras, Nimrodel, and Stormcrow!"
"Stupid tense shifts," Rowyn muttered as she scribbled fiercely in her notebook. "And Aragorn, you don't want them to come. Bad idea. Trust me," she added. The future king of Gondor, of course, ignored her completely.
"Okay...they're going to ride 'past vales and hills of beeches and birch trees, fields of heather and clover golden with autumn, and the sunset dipping the mountains in gold'," Lothy said, "so let's portal."
"Great," Rowyn said, opening the portal. When they stepped through (just in time to avoid Legolas's 'comical anger'), Rowyn immediately began complaining again. "Her blood can't beckon to the trees! Although, I could release it to do so..." she added, putting her hand on her sword-hilt.
"Oh great...Legolas is going to start singing..." Lothy groaned. Rowyn said nothing.
"Helloo...earth to Rowyn!" Lothy said, poking her partner. Rowyn was staring at the words in disbelief.
The doom of Middle Earth is near. But knew I how, I would save it by sacrifice,” he whispered. I put my hand to the chain around my neck and drew it out. The shining star lit up us and the treetop.
I clasped the jewel in my hands, a multi-faceted, crystalline thing. “Hold out your hand Lord,” I commanded. He complied, and I pressed it into his palm. “The Morn-star shows the future. What do you see? Speak it unto me.”
He looked deep into the depths of the star before muttering in Elvish High- Tongue, “I cannot tell but show you,” And he captured me in a graceful yet wild kiss, soft as silk, yet deep and stealing.
"Ok, so they met what, three hours ago if that, and they’re already kissing? And just look at this dialogue!! It's awful! And how can a kiss be 'stealing'? Let’s see: we also have gratuitous use of magical jewelry, unspeakable crimes against both the English and Elvish languages, and making an agent feel nauseous with sappy narration. Charge list done. Let's kill her."
Iriniel and Legolas
“You really should relax, you know,” Lothy said to Rowyn before breaking out in another fit of laughter. When a few minutes had passed since their last assignment and they hadn’t been given another one, she had decided that having two computers to give assignments was a bit redundant, since both of them never went off at the same time, and had spent the time feeding her newest addiction. “Heehee, Feng Shui for Big Dumb Idiots,” she added with a giggle.
Rowyn, on the other hand, had been extremely tense ever since they had gotten back from their last assignment. Though Lothy had finally forced her to sit down with a book (once she had been able to stop Faramin from chewing on it), she still had spent the time jumping and reaching for a heavy blunt object every time her computer made the slightest bit of noise. “Are you still playing that game?” she asked, not bothering to look over as she idly tossed a piece of raw bacon to Pensive.
“Yeah! It’s awesome!” Lothy answered, reading off the screen. “’You’re fighting a Spam Witch. You begin to read from the dictionary. Your opponent writhes in pain, suffering 60 points of spelling damage.’ See, this game was made for PPCers!” When Rowyn didn’t respond, Lothy stayed silent for a few minutes. The only sound was Lothy clicking the mouse and Rowyn’s foot occasionally banging against her desk as she sat with her legs draped over the side of the chair. Finally, Lothy said, “Don’t you think it’s strange that they haven’t…”
“Don’t say it,” Rowyn warned.
“I mean, we’ve never gone this long without…” Lothy started again.
“Please, don’t say another word,” Rowyn begged.
“Do you think they’re actually going to give us a….”
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
“…break,” she finished lamely. “Drat… and I just figured out how to get into the Palindome…”
Rowyn let her head fall back against the desk, ignoring the resulting thunk. Lothy shrugged apologetically, then stood up. “Guess I’ll see what we get to deal with. Move over,” she sighed.
“Don’t forget, I get first dibs on killing the ‘Sue,” Rowyn reminded her as she scooted her chair away from the computer before continuing to toss bacon to Faramin and Pensive, who were both eagerly gobbling the pieces up before they could hit the floor.
“Yeah, yeah,” Lothy grumbled, then added, “Oh, joy. We finally get a Legomance.”
“So who is she this time?” Rowyn asked, rather sarcastically. “A modern girl who just happens to fall into Middle-Earth and gets rescued from a big scary spider by the charming Prince? The leader of an unknown group of dark Elves with ‘speshul magical powers’ that uses her abilities to charm the unlucky Elf into falling deeply in love with her?”
Lothy scanned the words. “No. She’s Haldir’s daughter. From the ‘tribe of Galadriel.’ Keeper of Arindiel, whatever the heck that is.”
“Probably some piece of evil jewelry that has the power of making her changing-color-eyes extra-sparkly,” Rowyn muttered.
“Somebody’s in a bad mood today,” Lothy said cheerfully as she went back to her console. Rowyn just glared at her in response before muttering something about urges to kill and wishing someone would invent a chocolate form of Bleep.
“OK...hmm. Elves?” Lothy asked, poking at her console.
Rowyn glared.
“Elves it is then. C’mon, the sooner we're done, the sooner we can get back.” Lothy opened a portal and literally shoved her partner through.
Lothy glanced over. "Oh dear Lord..."
"Haldir's eyes azure flashes of hope against the sunset?" Rowyn said incredulously.
"That makes no sense!! Not only is she dumb, she's verbally illiterate!"
Suddenly, from the blood-stained hilltop below, Aragorn cried, “Haldir! Nath Parras! To the Keep!”He turned to yell to his men, and found an Orc-blade sliced his wrist. He gasped and cried out in pain.
My father swayed as the same Orc- blade pierced his back. Aragorn cried out in grief, unmistakable. He cried Haldir’s name over and over, killed the Orc and ran to him.
"Nath parras isn't Elvish, nor does it mean "To the Keep" in any language," Lothy muttered, scribbling on her notepad.
"I'm confused. So Aragorn's getting his wrist slashed, and then Haldir's getting skewered? Or is it the other way around?" Rowyn asked.
"No, see, an Orc slashed Aragorn's wrist and then stuck Haldir with the same sword in the space of about two seconds, even though they're about 300 yards apart," Lothy explained.
"Then shouldn't Aragorn, you know, be trying to keep himself from dying or something?" Rowyn complained.
"No, since he and Haldir are apparently the best of friends, he has to scream Haldir's name over and over again, kill the Orc, and then rock Haldir while he dies," Lothy said, picking up a stone and throwing it at Aragorn. It bounced off his skull and he dropped Haldir.
"She watched him with her mind?" Rowyn asked, ignoring Lothy's well-aimed toss. "I suppose everyone in the 'Tribe of Galadriel' inherited her gift of sight. Can I kill her now?"
Lothy looked shocked. "Oh no! She must set out upon her quest to bring the light of Arindiel to all Middle Earth!"
"And she has no reason for it either!" Rowyn added, poking the Words. She nearly dropped them when a rather painful time lurch left them watching three elves riding through the woods (neither agent could justify capitalizing the words, as they were clearly not Tolkien's vision of the race of the Eldar.)
"Did you know that the Moon had a daughter named Erwenia?" Lothy asked. "Or that Legolas had a brother named Golondrien?"
"Do you think Galadriel will be mad that her 'mirror of the future' is missing?" Rowyn shot back. "And how the heck does one carve a bloody star into a necklace? And who's ever seen moondust?”
"What I want to know is how she carries that mirror," Lothy complained. "How big is Galadriel's Mirror? Taller than a Hobbit, at any rate!"
"And don't you need the water for it to work?"
"Oh, look at the ‘Maras’ they're riding! Sassafras, Nimrodel, and Stormcrow!"
"Stupid tense shifts," Rowyn muttered as she scribbled fiercely in her notebook. "And Aragorn, you don't want them to come. Bad idea. Trust me," she added. The future king of Gondor, of course, ignored her completely.
"Okay...they're going to ride 'past vales and hills of beeches and birch trees, fields of heather and clover golden with autumn, and the sunset dipping the mountains in gold'," Lothy said, "so let's portal."
"Great," Rowyn said, opening the portal. When they stepped through (just in time to avoid Legolas's 'comical anger'), Rowyn immediately began complaining again. "Her blood can't beckon to the trees! Although, I could release it to do so..." she added, putting her hand on her sword-hilt.
"Oh great...Legolas is going to start singing..." Lothy groaned. Rowyn said nothing.
"Helloo...earth to Rowyn!" Lothy said, poking her partner. Rowyn was staring at the words in disbelief.
The doom of Middle Earth is near. But knew I how, I would save it by sacrifice,” he whispered. I put my hand to the chain around my neck and drew it out. The shining star lit up us and the treetop.
I clasped the jewel in my hands, a multi-faceted, crystalline thing. “Hold out your hand Lord,” I commanded. He complied, and I pressed it into his palm. “The Morn-star shows the future. What do you see? Speak it unto me.”
He looked deep into the depths of the star before muttering in Elvish High- Tongue, “I cannot tell but show you,” And he captured me in a graceful yet wild kiss, soft as silk, yet deep and stealing.
"Ok, so they met what, three hours ago if that, and they’re already kissing? And just look at this dialogue!! It's awful! And how can a kiss be 'stealing'? Let’s see: we also have gratuitous use of magical jewelry, unspeakable crimes against both the English and Elvish languages, and making an agent feel nauseous with sappy narration. Charge list done. Let's kill her."
